Today, I saw a piece of clothing, liked it and bought it. I didn't think about the fact that it was green, brown and orange. I didn't think about the fact that I would never have looked at it a year ago. I didn't think about how it would look on me. I didn't think about how I would look in it. I just bought it. And I suddenly realized how much I have grown. I suddenly realized I am more me than ever before. I suddenly realized I am slowly becoming the person I always wanted to be. Today, I saw a piece of clothing, liked it and bought it. Your introverted friend.
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I have always been so in love with love and considered people in love to be lucky. I knew that some people didn't accept all kinds of love but never in a millions years would I have imagined that human beings could be murdered because of their love, because they choose to love who they love loudly and proudly. It breaks my heart how some individuals think it's okay to kill others, other people with families, stories, battles, hopes, goals and dreams; to end their lives without blinking an eye. I just can't seem to understand why would human beings choose to be grim reapers and steal away so many beautiful, young, talented, promising souls from the world. Hate is a horrible thing, it spreads like wild fire, showing no mercy and burning everything it comes across; Unfortunately there is a lot of around these days. But you know what there is also a lot of, there is a lot of love and that's the only thing that keeps me going. Following the path of love is our only hope for a better future, it is the only thing that might heal our wounds one day, even though we will forever have their scars on our skin serving as a constant reminder of what we endured. I am sad, angry and confused but I beg you to please never stop loving. Love passionately, wholeheartedly and unabashedly, because love will prevail and it will conquer hate. Your introverted friend.
Hi friends, Today is the first day of Ramadan in Morocco. For those of you who don't know, Ramadan is the most sacred month for Muslims, it is observed worldwide as a month of fasting to commemorate the first revelation of the Quran to prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. This annual observance is regarded as one of the five pillars of Islam. During this month Muslims do not only refrain from eating, drinking and engaging in sexual relations, everyday from dusk to dawn; But are also instructed to refrain from sinful behavior such as false speech (insulting, cursing, lying) and fighting. Because Ramadan is such a religious month it made me reflect on my relationship with religion and spirituality and how it changed and developed throughout the years. See, I have always been a very spiritual person, I believe in God and have, since forever, identified as Muslim. But I always had a little problem with praying regularly; And for the past year-ish I haven't necessarily prayed as much as I should have, I prayed when I needed something, I prayed when I was unsure about the future, I prayed when I was scared, I prayed when I was hopeless, I prayed when I was miserable. But I never prayed to thank God or to worship God (even though God almighty does not need me thanking or worshiping him). Which lead to me taking myself on a major guilt trip and shaming myself for being such a selfish asshole. Weirdly enough that didn't help me with anything, it didn't make me pray. Simply because I am a person who never accepts things for what they are and just goes with them, I constantly need to know and understand more and more in order to form my own opinion about practically everything. This might sound very Cartesian of me, but that's how I was raised. After I have gotten back from the United States and having had conversations with people with different beliefs, I realized that me being born Muslim isn't enough, I needed to know more about this religion I belong to. And, finally, the reason why I wasn't so keen on practicing Islam became clear to me, I did not know enough about it. So I started reading and the more I read the more things made sense to me. Now I, at least, understand the basics and that definitely helped me with my praying problem and made life a little bit easier. Of course I don't have it all figured out. I am your typical lost young adult, trying to figure out who I am, what I stand for and what I believe in. But if there is one advice I would give to young adults out there it would be : try to learn more about things that confuse or puzzle you, be it religion or anything else in life, you will definitely not regret it.
Your introverted friend Hello friends, Today is mother's day !!! Or at least I think it is... I have said it before and I'll say it again, mother's day really really confuses me. I just can't seem to know when it is, because different countries celebrate it in different days and I mean.. why? Anyways I still don't get it, but since pretty much all of my friends have posted something about it on social media I decided to post something too. (because peere pressure) So yeah, happy mother's day to my mum aka the person that literally gave me live and still figuratively gives me life everyday. Thank you for supporting me in all the decisions I make, even though they can sometimes be really stupid. Thank you for teaching me to be unapologetically who i am. Thank you for tolerating my horrible horrible mood swings, thank you for being a constant source of light, love and inspiration in my life. And most importantly thank you for asking for my opinion and always treating me like a fully functioning human being when other parents told their kids to go sit in the kids' table. I could keep on writing for the rest of my life but nothing I ever write will even begin to express how much you mean to me. I love you. Also, happy mother's day to all the women in my life who selflessly love like mothers, to the women I look up to and see as mothers in one way or another. To the inspiring, bad-ass women I love with all of my heart and soul. Whether they are my teachers, mentors, aunts or big sisters. Thank you so much for everything you do. Last but not least, one final big happy mother's day to all mothers. To those who have lost their mothers, to those who long to be mothers, to those who mother any and all beings, to the adoptive, surrogate, nurturers and creatives, to those who might not have birthed life but have birthed a life of their own. Today we honor you. Moms are the single most greatest creatures in all of existence. They are our providers, nurturer, teachers, protectors, literally our everything. A living and breathing Angel sent to love us at our best, at our worst, completely unconditionally. Without them the world wouldn’t exist. My life would be meaningless and completely unlivable without mine. I love her more than I do myself. She is my everything. ~ Marley C Your introverted friend Hello Friends, Three days ago, I moved out of my childhood house. I moved out of the place I have been calling home for the past nineteen years, three months and six days and it taught me a lot about myself; Mainly that I suck at goodbyes as much as I suck at hellos. Now you might say: what do you mean Khaoula ? I am pretty sure you knew that about yourself way before. To answer that, yes I did. I have known that about myself ever since I was a little child, but I never thought I would get emotional over leaving this house, probably because I never thought I would have to do it now, at least. I always imagined that when I leave this house it would be to another country and that as long as I am in Morocco I would never have to worry about leaving the four walls the witnessed my rises and falls. Now, packing was a process since my room is filled with pictures, posters and little bits and bobs that all hold thousands of crazy stories and happy memories, and being the person that I am I had to stop and (kind of) re-live every single moment. But that wasn’t even the hard part. It didn’t hit me until I had to close the door of the house for the last time. I froze and remembered everything. I remembered the countless late nights spent studying, the teen angst, the 3 am solo dance parties, the good news celebrations, the painful heart breaks, the late night/ early morning phone and Skype calls, the excessive TV-show binge watching, the endless drama and the sleepless hours spent over thinking. But more than anything I remembered my grand-mother, I remembered all of the amazing years we had in that house together, all of the laughs, the cries, the hugs and the arguments. I remembered how much she meant and still means to me. I closed that door and felt guilty. I felt guilty for leaving a huge part of myself behind willingly, and I absolutely hated it. I am currently sitting in my new room (which I LOVE btw) , listening to Broods and trying to convince myself that all of those memories will forever live inside me and the only thing I could think of is what if I forget ? what happens then ? Your introverted friend Hello friends, On the 16th of April I celebrated my 20th birthday, I got some amazing presents that I am very grateful for from people that I love, oh, so so much. One particular gift stood out from the rest, surprisingly the gift was from me to me. Okay I'll explain, exactly 5 years ago on my 15th birthday I came across a website called Futureme.org. What it does is that it allows you to send letters to yourself in the future, I thought the idea was amazing and decided to go for it. The thing is that the website was under development at the time, which means that I wasn't really sure whether I was going to get it or not. But guess what, I got it. I got it and it's unbelievably cute and embarrassing. 15 years old me thought 20 years old me would have traveled the world and found love, talk about incredibly high expectation. ( although I did find love, a lot of it) . So this post is basically me replying to the sweet, funny, weird and incredibly unrealistic letter I got from myself.
Hello love, It has been a while since we last talked. I wanted to write this little letter to check on you and ask how you are doing. Even though I know. I know you’re feeling shitty , lost and confused. But believe me when I say that in a couple of years, most of the things you’re worrying about right now will be of no importance. Obviously you will still be kind of confused (probably forever) but everything will be much more better. YOU will feel much more better. I know that the last thing you want to hear is some wise pretentious person saying “it gets better” over and over again. You are right but you are also wrong. It doesn’t get better unless you work for it. It doesn’t get better if you lay in bed and cry. It doesn’t get better if you lock yourself in your room and hide your feelings from the rest of world. It doesn’t get better if you don’t do anything about it. You are allowed to grieve, you are allowed to be sad. Do that, but don't let that be who you are, don't let it consume you. You need you alone time I get it, but please don’t push people away. Every once in a while try and let them in, share you feelings and maybe just maybe they can take some of the pain away. Don’t worry about your future too much. Again I know you are going through a rough patch, but you will do just fine, believe me. You'll grow so much. You'll get to go on incredible adventures and meet strangers who will become your people for life. You’ll discover a whole new world. A world you’ll fall in love with. A world you always wanted to exist in. But no spoilers, just wait and see. Now there are a few things I need you to always remember. - LOVE YOURSELF, APPRECIATE YOURSELF AND GET TO KNOW YOURSELF. - Friends come and go. - If someone leaves your life, It’s not because of you. Some people are just not meant to stay. - It’s good to have a comfort zone, but trying new things is even better. Try to do that every now and then. - Some people will hurt you, that’s a given fact. I’m sorry but you have to get over it and move on. - Love. Love wholeheartedly and with passion. Love your family, your friends, or your significant other, it doesn’t matter. Give love to people who deserve it. - Wear sunscreen, ALWAYS. My darling life is beautiful, so live it to the fullest and go after what you want. I love you. You, me, us. Hi friends, I have been wanting to get back into blogging for a while now, but I kept procrastinating, procrastinating and procrastinating; And before I knew it, It has been a year since I last posted something (crazy, right). A lot has happened in my life since then, I am older and maybe - just maybe- a little bit wiser. That is why I decided to start fresh, create a new blog and hopefully, this time, commit to posting regularly (fingers crossed). Charles Bukowski once wrote in his poem Bluebird : There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out I think it's time to let that Bluebird out. Also this song has been stuck in my head all day. Your introverted friend |